Mother
by Ginny Perry
Summary: N's past is never discussed in Black/White, but he had to have had a mother. This is the story of N's early upbringing and the story of his mother and father. Read the warnings, please!
1. Mother

I started writing this over a year before Black and White 2 came out, so it does not match up for current game canon. So, I guess I'm going to call this an AU. Please don't message me complaining about how it doesn't match canon. I know it doesn't.

Violence, incest, non-descriptive rape ahead. It's also sad as hell. Grab your tissues~!

* * *

My mother named me Meredith, some form of an old word that meant "grand" or "splendid." Honorable traits for someone to own. A bit ironic I have to think, really; I understand where she was coming from, but considering what eventually became of my life, it was almost laughable.

I was born a Harmonia. Even our name was tacky. I often wondered if my father changed it somewhere along the line to sound more... distinguished, maybe? Either way, I've always thought it sounded too pompous and silly. But that's what my family was. My parents were from two wealthy families, married young and inherited money I still have trouble comprehending. Not a luxury went unpaid. Our home was enormous, decorated top to bottom in expensive tapestries and precious metals. It was gaudy and unnecessary.

This probably makes me sound ungrateful, complaining only about the negatives of my family. In truth, it was not a bad place to grow up. My mother and father were rather distant, but I wouldn't say they weren't loving. They treatment my brother and me with kindness and respect. That's really all one can ask for.

My brother... he was born first. They named him Ghetsis. I used to poke fun at his name because of how bizarre it was. I remembering asking my mother why they chose such a strange name, and she gave me a haughty response about classical music pieces. Regardless, he is two and a half years older than I am. My earliest memories of us interacting is a time when I was about four and he was nearly seven. He told me that the closet in my bedroom had a ghost pokemon in it that wanted to steal my soul. I didn't really know what a pokemon was, nor what a soul was, but the only thing I knew was that I did not want anything trying to take it from me. I had many sleepless nights as a young child because of him.

Growing up with Ghetsis was not horrible. I don't attribute the things he did to me to anything other than natural sibling rivalry. Regardless of trips in the hallways and shoves during dinner, I can remember looking up to him. He was my older brother, after all. He was prideful, arrogant... much more so than my parents, actually. They had always told us that we were better than other families because we were Harmonias, and they would say that name as if it were a title to an epic musical piece to a great literary work. _Harmonia_. I believed them for most of my life; how was I to know any better? I held myself mightier than others, as taught, but Ghetsis... somehow, I feel like his motivation was not simply because our parents spoke highly of it. Even in my parents' voices, there was a slight waver of doubt, even when they sang those syllables. But my brother... every sound that rolled off his tongue was laced with unadulterated arrogance. Pride. And there was no waver of doubt in his voice, ever. I never really realized why I didn't notice it sooner.

Ghetsis was given a pokemon at the age of ten. A deino. Rare, expensive creatures because of their difficulty to breed. He had asked for it, no, _demanded _it after researching about pokemon. We would read my father's old books about the different types of monsters out there, and the fierce dragon hydreigon was always Ghetsis's favorite. I remember being so jealous, the day he received that egg. I never told anyone, but I went to my room and cried.

All I ever wanted was a munna. Silly, Ghetsis would tell me. _They're weak. _That's all he ever cared about. He didn't care about their abilities. I read in an old text that they were able to save peoples' dreams and show them in mist that came from their heads. It sounded so odd, but so interesting! As sad as it sounds now, I used to take such solace in my own dreams. They were always so vivid and beautiful. Not beautiful in the garrish display of riches my parents found enticing. I would see nature, cities and towns I have never been to. I'd have nightmares too, just like any other child, and they would plague me. The thought of capturing dreams and ridding bad ones... it was like a miracle in my young eyes.

But no. Girls were not allowed pokemon. Girls had to study, become educated on scholarly things, then marry off to another wealthy family and be confined to more boorish "luxury." I wasn't too keen on any subject in particular at that age, and the thought of learning history and math and writing just sounded horrible. I wanted to explore the world! Study pokemon! But, as I was told time and time again, it was not my place to make that choice.

Ghetsis left home when he was about thirteen. Before he left, he gathered supplies he needed to train pokemon: pokeballs, potions, berries. I became so jealous that I stole one of his empty pokeballs and ran out in the middle of the night looking for munna. It was stupid of me, considering I didn't have any other pokemon to fight one with, and they were considered difficult to find. I came back home unsuccessful, but went out every night afterwards looking. No one noticed that I was gone.

One night while I was out, I ran into my brother, who had set up camp not too far from our house. I pleaded with him to help me capture one and he took it as a challenge to his ego. Sure enough, he found one and weakened it with his deino. I felt so guilty watching it get hurt in battle...! He laughed after I caught it, bragging about how strong his pokemon was compared to it. But I had little care for its strength. I just wanted a friend. I nursed it back to health and left it out of its pokeball when I returned to the castle. My parents were unhappy about it, but quickly lost concern.

Life was dull after Ghetsis left. As promised, my parents forced me to study for long hours every day. Classic literature, mathematics, history. I didn't hate to learn, but somehow, the fact that I was required to made it much less pleasant. I think knowing that my brother was able to do what he wanted while I was forced into some stupid mould made me a bitter, slightly defiant person. I convinced myself it was for the better of my family. It kept me from rebelling too harshly.

* * *

When I was about eighteen, my mother's health started to decline. Slowly, at first. My father became more reclusive as she became sicker; I still wonder if it was out of shame, or depression, or even fear. I would page my brother every day and ask him to come home, but he never returned my calls. I guess he was disinterested in what was happening at home. He assumed everything was fine, even when I told him it was important that he returned.

My mother soon fell so ill that she did not recover, and died while I sat at her bedside. My father disappeared that day... I don't even know if he found out about what happened to her. In such a short time, my life had drastically changed. The great _Harmonias _had fallen.

I arranged a modest funeral. I inherited the fortune. I had become head of the "household." Suddenly, I had gone from such little responsibility to an exorbitant burden of it. The freedom I had long craved was handed to me, but I still felt so lost. I had little direction. Little drive.

I was nothing short of infuriated when my brother finally came home over a month after my mother had passed, expecting to be greeted with blessings and praise.

"Do I not receive even the most modest of hellos?" he said smugly as he saw me for the first time in years. He had grown so much taller, looked so much stronger. Ghetsis still wore elaborate and gaudy clothing that screamed of his wealth. He hadn't changed at all.

"Why didn't you answer my calls?" I retorted. He placed his hands on his hips and raised an eyebrow.

"I was busy with other matters. I'll have you know I am one of the strongest tr-"

"Mother is gone." I should've been more graceful with the news, but I was so angry with him that I almost _hoped _it hurt him when muttered so bluntly. If there was one thing I remembered from childhood, it was that Ghetsis _hated _being interrupted.

"What?" he said while furrowing his brow, unsure of what I meant.

"Mother fell sick and died almost four weeks ago. I wanted you to come home to spend time with her before she passed. It's all she wanted, Ghetsis. I had the pleasure of telling her you were 'too busy' to see her before she finally died."

Something in him just... snapped. That sudden realization of mortality. Ghetsis would sometimes talk about being immortal when we grew up, but I just thought they were jokes or stories. Who would take something like that seriously? I suppose that he assumed that he could cheat death because death was never a part of his life. He was a _Harmonia_, after all. Better than others. Other people died, but because we were born "better" than other people, we would live forever. I guess I see the logic in it now. It's sad, really, that his reality was shattered when he finally realized that death one day meets us all. It forced him to question every truth he once held dear. In the grand scheme of things, his grasp of reality really wasn't all _that _skewed. But finally seeing that it had the potential to be... that is what finally snapped him.

_"No_," he said to me. "_No no no no no_." I suddenly felt bad and tried to comfort him, but he wouldn't allow me to touch him. That look in his eyes... I still remember how they made me feel. They looked so horrified, but also so _angry_. I dismissed myself; I couldn't look at him anymore. It hurt too much. The way he fell to his knees, running his clawed hands along the carpet as he screamed... I concluded that it upset me, but I think it was actually fear. Fear that threatened to become panic. I left him there in the hallway and returned to my room.

I would never forget that night. I don't know how it all began. I recall waking up to a weight on top of me, then screaming as I saw a blade at my chest. It was him. I tried to remain calm, to ask him what was wrong, but he said nothing. Those eyes... those same terror-filled, enraged eyes peered through me as he cut through my nightgown.

I was stupid. Up until it happened, it hadn't even crossed my mind. Even when I laid there, naked and shivering, it was not there. Why should I have thought it would happen? Now I realize how stupid I was my entire life up to that point. I lied to myself. _It's just because he's a boy. He's just that way because he's caught up in the power of wealth. I'm just being overreactive._ No. It was all a beautiful lie I created to protect myself from the truth. In a way, I wasn't much different than he was. I didn't _want _to face the pain of the truth. I wanted to be normal, to live a normal privileged life with a normal older brother who was just a little harsh and haughty and that's just because he was the first born son. I just couldn't accept that my brother was a complete sociopath.

Yes, even seconds before he finally raped me, I did not expect it. But like Ghetsis, my reality had been swept under me with one blow. My body fought on instinct, pushing and squirming and screaming, but my mind... I can't even remember how I felt. I either went blank, or it was terrifying enough for my brain to force the memory out of me. I can't tell you exactly what happened, only because I don't know. Ghetsis had snapped; I had been rendered broken.

"For our future." It was the only thing I remember hearing him whisper to me. Even that was a lie, I know now. There was no _our_, no _we_. When Ghetsis spoke the truth, it was only _my, me, I. _

If there ever was an _our_, it was long lost in the mind of a confused child that fought against his true nature.

I became pregnant. By my own brother. My own sick, twisted brother raped me after refusing to see our mother during her final hours. My father was missing, soon forgotten. I knew in my heart he would never return.

No longer was I bound to the mould of the young rich daughter. I missed it dearly. You never quite know what you have until it's gone. I tried to apply that mindset to my current situation, but there was nothing I could see that would ruin my life more.

I was wrong, of course. So very very wrong.

* * *

My brother hired two young women to look after me, Anthea and Concordia. They were kind-hearted but always looked remorseful. I wondered if they pitied me, if they knew what truly had happened. I hated the way they stared at me. I didn't want their pity. I wanted to be strong, even if it was so difficult to manage. I didn't want to be broken like Ghetsis wanted. I didn't want him to win.

I took solace in sleep. Munna ate my nightmares and filled my head with peaceful dreams. I slept most of the day, waking for my meals and occasionally reading to pass the time. My brother expected me to eat my late meal with him every night. I had learned that it was better to accept these little requests, but it did not mean that I lost all defiance.

One night, however, I had had enough of the control.

"Eat your dinner," he said sternly.

"I'm not hungry."

"It's _rude _not to eat food when it is gi-"

All my anger flared up at once as I heard his condescending voice fill the air. Without a second thought, I grabbed one of the sharpened steak knives on the table. My brother took hold of my wrist in an attempt to block the blow but I jerked my hand violently, aiming for his throat. I felt a shove and was pushed onto the table. Candlesticks were knocked over and utensils littered the floor as I struggled against his weight. Ghetsis grit his teeth as he fought the blade from ending him. Just a little... bit... more...

My arm grew fatigued, but I refused to back down without delivering one swipe at him before dropping the knife. I missed his neck, instead slicing through his right eye. I heard him scream as he pulled back, grasping tightly to his face while dark red blood began oozing through his fingertips.

"What did you _do _to my face?!" he bellowed, his features twisted in pain and rage. Tiny rivulets of crimson ran down his arm, staining his immaculately white blouse. I had a strange sense of fulfillment watching him writhe, but it quickly shifted to fear when he took me by the front of my gown and shoved me to the floor.

It took me a moment to recollect my thoughts after the daze of hitting my head; I did not realize until it was too late that he had run off. In desperation, I ran to my room, hoping to hide from his wrath until I could formulate a plan to escape. Perhaps, if he went to his own bedchambers, I would have enough time t-

I felt my heart sink in my chest after I turned the doorknob and entered my room. Ghetsis stood in front of my bed, holding Munna limp by one of its back limbs, the knife from earlier gleaming in the dim light as it was clenched tightly in his other fist. My brother's eye still oozed as the other was locked in a severe glare.

There was... so much blood...

I was frozen in the doorway, unable to move. That same familiar feeling of my world collapsing around me was coming back in full force, and I fell to my knees, exacerbated. Munna's bloodied body was carelessly tossed aside as Ghetsis approached me, that shiny blade still waving around in his hand.

"There will be no more of that, now, will there, Meredith?" He spoke softly in my ear, a gentle tone laced with malice. The knife was pressed dangerously close to my collarbone, but I bit back my apprehension. I couldn't let him win.

"No," I replied simply. My voice did not waver.

"Good." Ghetsis left without laying a hand on me, but I heard a faint click after he closed the door. Wobbling to my feet, I checked the door knob. It was locked from the outside.

I gathered Munna's languid body into my arms and clung to her lifeless body as I sobbed.

The nightmares returned.

* * *

I reached a point where I realized that I didn't want the _thing _that was growing inside me. It wasn't a life to me; it was this sick reminder of how my world had crumbled, how far my distant dreams had drifted from my grasp, how artificial every aspect of my luxury really was. It would grow up to be a monster just like its father. It would cause nothing but pain to everyone around it.

I wanted to die.

I know it was selfish. Taking my life while I had another inside me. I won't deny it. Ghetsis locked me in my bedroom, gave me my meals in the morning before I woke up, never spoke a word. I was imprisoned with little more than my own plaguing thoughts that ate away at me. What hope was there? I had clung to my sanity during my childhood by having dreams, hopes of my future and my potentials. There was nothing more I could embrace.

I opened my lone bedroom window and stood on the sill. This was the first time in years I had done so; the smell of the fresh air once made me feel lonely. But as I felt the breeze blow my hair across my face, all I could think of was freedom. Freedom from this husk of a life that never had the potential to flourish. So silly of me not to notice it sooner. Had it really taken all of _this _to make me realize how insignificant my existence was? What a blind life I had lead.

My room was several stories above the ground. I looked down and saw two men, dressed in silly clothing, standing against the wall below. One glanced up and saw me. Nudged the other to observe. I could only smile weakly at them, even though I knew they could not see my face. Had Ghetsis really placed guards at the foot of my window? It wasn't all that surprising, I guess.

I turned around, my back to the sky, and spread my arms. For a brief moment, I held the mental image of myself drifting down to the ground below like a fallen leaf from its mother tree. My head was full of nothing but peaceful images, such a stark contrast to the fact that my body would land in gory pieces. I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to die thinking beautiful thoughts. I wanted to believe that my death would be a beautiful thing, that I would waft away into the skies and sleep among the stars. Surrounded by the things I hadn't experienced growing up in the castle. The sun warming my face, the breeze rustling my hair. I fooled myself into wanting it more. It was not difficult to roll onto my heels and let myself fall from that window. It was the easiest commitment I had made in my entire life.

I blacked out before I hit the ground. Or perhaps I had fallen asleep. Whatever the case, I do not remember what happened after falling. I awoke in my bed, not a scratch on my body. I noticed immediately that my window had been boarded up; only small slivers of sunlight shone between the parts of the wood nailed against the panes. The rest of my room was untouched.

I had failed.

I spent the next few months horribly isolated. Security was stepped up around me, although I never tried again to escape or hurt myself. I had a change of heart, as strange as that sounds. Only Anthea was allowed to visit me, twice a day, morning and night, to bring me my meals. We weren't allowed to talk but sometimes did. The night that I tried to kill myself, she came in with her head bowed, the tray in her hand shaking in her trembling palms.

"P-Please, mistress," I remember her sniffling. "Please don't harm yourself...!"

Her voice was so sincere and pleading, it caused an ache in my chest. It made me realize that I wasn't as alone as I had thought. I was confined to this room, but there were others wishing for my well-being. I think Anthea and Concordia saw my unborn child as some sort of savior, a symbol of hope. And if I could bring some semblance of happiness to others' lives... it was worth trying to survive. I matured a lot during that time, I'd like to think. To be selfish would be being like my brother. I would not allow that.

It was almost liberating. No longer concerned about making an escape plan, I was able to dedicate more time to pursuing other interests. I read a lot during that time. Read about different sciences, different lands far away from here. Math fascinated me. Foundations in logic. I liked that. In a world so flustered by emotions and irrationality, logic was almost comforting to me. It became like an obsession.

* * *

I gave birth to a baby boy in the early autumn. It was a harrowing experience I'd rather not go into. My brother was not there, which probably made things a bit less painful for me. Anthea and Concordia assisted me and I was blessed to deliver without complications.

When Concordia handed my baby to me, swaddled tightly in a warm blanket, I was struck with intense emotion I was unable to decipher. He was so beautiful... pale gray eyes looked up at me, and all I could do was smile. He had sparked that tiny glimmer of hope into a burning desire for life. I held him so close as tears began to trickle down my face.

I named him Natural. It was silly out of context, but I didn't care. It was the last topic I remember studying before I gave birth to him. Natural numbers... whole numbers, only infinitely positive, used for order. Such a pure definition. The hope for structure to a child born into utter chaos.

Ghetsis scoffed immediately when he heard the news, refusing to call him anything other than his first initial. I was only allowed to address him as "N."

I was allowed all the time I wanted with N. I spent every day with him; we were locked up in my room, but it held such little significance. Anthea and Concordia assisted me in caring for him around the clock. I set his crib next to my bed as I slept, and for the first time in years, the nightmares stopped. I watched him grow, saw his first smile, his first crawl, his first steps. Every time I looked at him, N did nothing but smile happily. There was no way I couldn't allow him to rub off on me... how could I not smile too?

The past seemed so distant. Even if he was born from such a troubling situation, he was my hope. A pure life that held such promise.

* * *

My happiness was short-lived. After N turned a year old, I was no longer allowed to see him on a regular basis. Ghetsis said that it was essential for his growth to keep me around while he was an infant, but that my role as a mother was not necessary once he reached a certain age. I could not sleep as I thought about him alone. I was told he cried for long hours for weeks, inconsolable. Anthea and Concordia were to be looking after him, but it took quite a while for him to warm up to them without me there. When Anthea told me he no longer cried himself to sleep, it lifted a weight from my heart.

I begged Ghetsis to allow me to see him again. For at least two years, he refused. I led a trite and uninspired existence locked away in my room, fueled only by the daily updates Anthea gave me about my son to keep my hope alive. As long as he was safe, all was well.

After N's third birthday, Ghetsis finally allowed me to see him... with strict rules I was never allowed to break. I could see him before he went to bed, every night, and read to him until he fell asleep. I could not tell him who I was, nor touch him, and had to leave as soon as he closed his eyes. My brother set cameras up in N's room that watched my every move.

The first time I saw him after those two years apart was bittersweet. N had grown so much; his tea green hair was long and wild, his chubby cheeks thinned out but still so youthful. He was so beautiful... but his face was slightly apprehensive as he saw me walk towards him.

"Hello, N," I said to him calmly, smiling wide. I tried to be as welcoming as possible, even if I was having difficulty resisting the urge to pick him up and bring him into my arms.

"Who are you?" he asked me with a soft voice. N held his blanket closer to his chest as he sat up in his bed. I noticed a large bookcase full of books and briefly stepped over to choose a few titles.

"I'm just a lady that's going to read to you before bed." I walked over to his bed slowly with the books in my hands before sitting on his mattress next to him.

So badly I wanted to embrace him. He was my boy... the one I gave life to, the child that had given me a reason to live when I had no other. Even as he looked at me with a slightly untrusting eye, I could only grin. N made me so happy... I could only hope that he took his time falling asleep. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him.

He rubbed his eyes after I read him the first book before snuggling close to my side. N looked up at me with sleepy eyes as a small smile drifted over his features.

"I like you, pretty lady," he whispered before yawning. My own smile widened.

"I like you too, N."

He fell asleep before I could open the second book, and our allowed time was over until the next night.

My days were then spent simply waiting for the night so I could spend my few minutes alone with my son.

Almost every night I visited him. I watched N grow so quickly, though time was often hard to tell because his room never changed. Years felt like weeks. We read every book on his bookshelf countless times before I brought some of my own books from my room. They included remedial math and science books I was given as a younger girl. They were above his age level, but he always seemed so interested. I would explain things to him he did not understand, share with him the wonders of a world that was once unknown to him. N was such a smart boy. It made my heart swell with pride to be his mother, only if he only knew me as "that pretty lady."

One night, however, things had changed. I believe it was shortly after his sixth birthday. I had walked in, just as I always did before, but noticed that something was definitely off. N typically sat up and greeted me as I came through the door, but all I heard was sniffles.

I sat down next to him on his bed and he recoiled, curling up further into himself.

"N, what's wrong?" I asked in as calm as a tone as I could manage. I didn't want to frighten him. He shook his head almost frantically as his body trembled and he quaked with sobs.

"H... Hurts..." N's sorrowful tone panged at my heart.

"What hurts, dear?" I reached for his blanket that he had pulled towards him and he screamed.

"_No!_" I pulled back for a moment, trying to think of the best way to handle the situation. I knew Ghetsis was watching, but I couldn't bring myself to care about any punishment I would receive from this. There was no way I could leave him here in this condition.

Hesitantly, I put my hand on his back in an attempt to comfort him. He allowed it, but squeaked in fright from the contact, and he only trembled more violently.

"N, it's all right," I assured him, running my hand down his back to try to soothe him. "I'm here, now. There's no need to be-"

I stopped talking when I felt something wet through his pajama shirt at the small of his back. It was warm to the touch. I assumed the absolute worst.

As irrational and potentially harmful as it was to N, I quickly grasped the blanket that draped over his body and pulled it off of him. The poor boy screamed once more before burying his face in his hands, crying harder into his palms.

It was blood. Soaked into the back of his shirt and the bottoms of his pants, smeared across the bed, mixed with something else. Something white.

I instantly pulled away, horrified and utterly speechless.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," he repeated over and over again. As if this was his fault. As if he needed to _apologize _for what had so obviously occurred here. Ignoring the strict rule against touching him, I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could, holding his trembling body to my chest. His body felt so small and breakable in my arms.

"I'm going to protect you," I whispered in his ear with the strongest tone I could muster. I should have known better to make such a futile promise. A tiny piece of me screamed that it was hopeless, it was _all _hopeless, that this would only hurt him further somehow as my fragile vow would be so easily broken by that man.

But I couldn't allow this. I vowed to myself that I would do everything in my power to keep him unharmed. It was the least I could do for the life that had made mine worth living again. N was the last ounce of hope that I had left in my broken world, and there was nothing I wasn't willing to do to assure his safety. He had to grow up. See the world. Experience life. Truly _live_ as I couldn't.

I bit back my own sobs as I felt him softly cling to me.

"No matter what, N. I'm going to protect you."

* * *

I held him for moments that felt like hours. I didn't want to let go. N said nothing, only cried softly into my dress until it was soaked with tears. His head snapped to the side when someone knocked softly on the door and he buried himself deeper into my embrace, fearing the worst. It was most likely a grunt signaling that it was time to leave. I rubbed his back before slowly letting go.

"It's all right, N. I have to go now." My hand reached down and laced his tiny fingers between my own. "You'll be safe tonight, I promise. Please, get some sleep. Dream sweetly."

He turned to his side and pulled the covers up to his neck as I walked towards the door. My heart ached just thinking about leaving him here alone. There was little more I could do.

"Good night, N."

The light switch was flicked off as I exited, greeted by two hardened-looking grunts. They wore slightly aggravated expressions as they grabbed my arms. Miserable men who lusted too fondly over what little power they held.

"Sir Ghetsis ordered for your presence immediately."

"Don't _touch_ me," I snapped as I pulled back, breaking their grip. "I'm fully capable of walking myself, _thank you_."

One of the men, obviously provoked by my attitude, only returned his grip on my arm, harder and rougher than before. The _nerve_. The people my brother hired as grunts for his organization were simple-minded at best. Mostly young men who grew up troubled or feeling somehow inferior to others, joining for a meager paycheck and the chance to order others around. I felt little remorse as I swung my leg, the heel of my shoe making strict contact to the vulnerable position between his thighs. Immediately he recoiled, grasping himself indignantly as I ran towards my brother's office. The other lackey did not bother chasing me after seeing the direction I headed. He knew better.

As the doors swung open, I saw him there, sitting so high and mighty at his finely-carved desk, glancing over documents that sat in front of him. Before he could even react to my presence, I grabbed the large glass of wine that always sat at his side and smashed it against the mahogany; it shattered instantly into a sharpened sliver, the scarlet wine staining paper that lay beneath it. I leaned over the desk and pointed the makeshift weapon at his chest. Ghetsis only put his arms up in a passive gesture, that signature smirk still plastered across his face.

"I know what you did, _Ghetsis_," I seethed, trying not to scream but losing my ability to control the volume of my voice. "I know what you _fucking_ did. You... you _raped_ my son!" I spat the word out as if it left an unpleasant taste in my mouth. By now, I was shouting. His expression hardly changed.

"You know you are not supposed to touch the boy without p-"

"_You _did not receive _permission _to touch him either, you sick _fuck!"_ I waved the sharpened glass at his face as I screamed. My emotions were no longer in check. "He is my _son_, Ghetsis! _Your _son! It's... it's _unforgiveable_...! How could you _do_ this?!"

"Are you going to use that," he asked simply as his gaze moved to my hand, "or are you going to continue rambling like a halfwit?"

His smile. His stupid fucking smile. I hated it. I hated _him_. I hated him with every ounce of my being. He _knew _this, and he knew I had grown more and more hesitant as the years had passed. I was once confident enough to commit to a threat. My constant abuse had left me meek, and I knew it as well. I hated myself for my weaknesses.

But after holding my son so close, hearing him sob as he clung to my chest, as though I were his only lifeline, as if I would float away if he let me go... I couldn't break my promise to him. I _swore_.

My hand slowly lowered, the broken cup no longer pointed in such a daring manner.

"What would mother think of you now, Ghetsis...?" I spoke softly, almost mourningly. My gaze dropped to the side. "What would she say if she saw you now...?"

I looked up just in time to watch him snap. That grin was erased immediately, replaced by an enraged grimace as he reflected on my words. It was the one topic that tore him out of his omnipotent mindset. I was almost glad to know that there was _something _that still sparked emotion in him, not bothering to fear that it would someday fade like the rest of him finally did. Ghetsis stood up in his chair and reached towards me, and that was when I swung the shattered glass. It sliced a deep gash across his shoulder and into his right arm.

My brother stood frozen for a few seconds, his eyes wide as he saw the immense amount of blood begin to pour out of him. It sickeningly reminded me of those crimson stains on N's blanket, and I suddenly found little retribution watching Ghetsis bleed.

"What has become of us, Ghetsis?" I asked with the same forlorn tone as before, this time keeping direct eye contact with the monster that stood before me. I dropped the dirtied glass and it made a delicate _clang_ as it hit the wooden floor. "Was this a suitable fate for our family's name? Withering into chaos? Shedding each other's blood?"

I did not expect him to crawl across the desk, did not anticipate him wrapping his bloodied fingers around my throat. I felt my back make contact with the wall but was too distracted by his palm crushing my neck, threatening to crack my vertebrae. My lungs quickly screamed for air. I made little noise as he choked the life out of me.

"I... will carry on the name..." He spoke through grit teeth, through obvious harrowing pain as thick drops of blood dribbled down his chest and arm. Ghetsis's face shone nothing but pure, unadulterated hatred. "I will control this pitiful world... become an eternal symbol of power... and break everything in my way..."

Darkness overtook my vision.

* * *

I woke up in my bedroom being shaken awake by Concordia. My head swam as my vision began to clear, startled to see her face as I opened my eyes.

"Mistress," she said softly, haltingly. "There's something... happening in N's room..."

Immediately I sat up, though the rush of blood from my head made my vision spin once more.

"Concordia, how long have you known this was happening? Did you not try to stop it?!"

The girl bit her lip as I saw her eyes grow hazy. That same expression of sorrow she often held was far from hidden across her features.

"Sometimes, to survive... you... have to be selfish..."

I gripped her hand when I saw tears dribble down her cheeks. How could I accuse her of being careless? The memories I held of her sister and her smiling brightly while we played with N as a baby were still so vivid in my mind. There was no doubt she loved him as much as I do. I didn't know what my brother had threatened them with. I didn't know if he had hurt them, too. There was no reason for me to think he was incapable of it.

"I'm going to stop him," I told her, unwavering. I had to be strong. "I promised N. I promised him I'd protect him."

I let go of her trembling hand and stood up, wobbling slightly as I headed for the door. It was unlocked.

"P-Please, mistress...!" she cried as she stood up, clinging a hand to her chest. Her face was still streaked with tears. "Please be careful...!"

I had little concern with my own safety. All that I could think of at that time was protecting my son. A sick feeling grew in my stomach when I heard his cries from down the hallway. I ran to N's room. The door was unlocked; had Ghetsis really gained such power over the people in this castle that he was unconcerned about someone walking into a room with a screaming child? It only infuriated me more. His ego disgusted me.

I turned the handle and nearly fell to my knees. My heart sunk in my chest and I fought the urge to be sick.

N lay supine on his bed and propped back on his elbows, Ghetsis's hand tangled through his hair and holding him up by his scalp. He cried and whined as my brother thrusted himself into his little mouth, muttering lewd comments under his breath as he stared down at him like a predator eyes his prey.

That same sick look in his eye from years ago. I recognized it immediately. It evoked nothing but pure, blind fury.

He saw me as I charged towards him. Not surprisingly, considering how loudly I was screaming. I was _enraged_. Every moment he had wronged me rattled my brain, every time I had suppressed my emotion for fear of punishment or escalation or appearing weak. It all came out at once as I grabbed his shirt from behind and threw him to the floor. I pounced on top of him and wrapped my hands around his throat, reminiscent of the moments from such a short time ago. Ghetsis was so much bigger than I was, but it did not prevent me from trying to crush his neck under the weight of my bare hands.

"You _monster_," I seethed through clenched teeth, my jaw so tight I thought my teeth would crack from the pressure. "_You stay away from my son_."

"_Our _son," he sneered with a smirk, mocking me. I couldn't contain myself.

"_My_ son." My hand retracted in a fist and swung violently, colliding with his face and busting his lip. He kept that stupid fucking _smile _on his face even as I swung again and again, cracking his nose, the blood running into his mouth and settling in the spaces between his teeth. It was ruining my willpower, and he knew it.

When I pulled back once more to hit him, Ghetsis's hand caught my wrist and I was frozen.

"Are you trying to _kill_ me, Meredith?"

His voice saying my name for the first time in what could have easily been a decade gave me chills, and I was rendered speechless.

My moment of weakness was all it took for him to roll over me and pin me to the floor, the blood leaking from his nose and lip dripping onto my cheek. It disgusted me. Everything _about _him disgusted me. I squirmed against him, but he was so strong.

"Wouldn't mother be proud?" he jeered softly as his other hand reached for his belt, grasping the handle of a blade and driving it deep into my chest.

There was honestly little pain. I felt the blood pool in my chest and tried to take a breath, but felt as though I was underwater, and gurgled in the liquid that filled my throat. The heavy weight of my brother was lifted and I rolled over to my side. My free hand moved to my breast and felt the wound. Wet, warm. My fingertips stained red.

"_No!_" I heard N scream, though it was muffled, as if coming from far away. I felt a small hand lay on top of mine, interlacing its fingers with my own. "You promised me, pretty lady...! You... you promised you'd protect me...!"

His voice was so fearful. Even as my vision began to darken, I tried to speak. I felt blood rise up in my throat but managed to mouth the words. My last words to my son.

"I love you, N..."

* * *

Perhaps I should have apologized for breaking my promise. To err is to be human, after all. Somehow, I hoped that he knew I was sorry. Maybe he didn't; maybe he needed to hear me say it. But if there was one thing I wanted him to know before I died, it was that I loved him. Truly, truly loved him. In a world full of darkness, he had been my flickering light.

As I shut my eyes, I had the same visions as I did years before. I was floating, drifting through the air like a leaf leaving its tree. The sky illuminated behind me, the wind blowing my hair and caressing my face. Peace.

If I had one hope, one final hope for my son, it was that he one day experienced that beauty without the embrace of death. That he smelled the fresh air, the breeze on his skin. The beautiful sky opening up for him. The warmth of the sunlight.

I could only hope he somehow thought of me while looking up at the clouds. And I could only hope that he would smile like he once did. Genuinely and bright.


	2. Mother - Revision

So, this is actually the same as my original chapter (which is a one-shot), only I completely changed the ending to better match the canon presented in BW2. The whole finding-N-in-a-forest thing really screwed over the feasibility of my original story, so I thought I'd manipulate the ending a bit.

I still like the original a whole lot more, but... enjoy?

* * *

My mother named me Meredith, some form of an old word that meant "grand" or "splendid." Honorable traits for someone to own. A bit ironic I have to think, really; I understand where she was coming from, but considering what eventually became of my life, it was almost laughable.

I was born a Harmonia. Even our name was tacky. I often wondered if my father changed it somewhere along the line to sound more... distinguished, maybe? Either way, I've always thought it sounded too pompous and silly. But that's what my family was. My parents were from two wealthy families, married young and inherited money I still have trouble comprehending. Not a luxury went unpaid. Our home was enormous, decorated top to bottom in expensive tapestries and precious metals. It was gaudy and unnecessary.

This probably makes me sound ungrateful, complaining only about the negatives of my family. In truth, it was not a bad place to grow up. My mother and father were rather distant, but I wouldn't say they weren't loving. They treatment my brother and me with kindness and respect. That's really all one can ask for.

My brother... he was born first. They named him Ghetsis. I used to poke fun at his name because of how bizarre it was. I remembering asking my mother why they chose such a strange name, and she gave me a haughty response about classical music pieces. Regardless, he is two and a half years older than I am. My earliest memories of us interacting is a time when I was about four and he was nearly seven. He told me that the closet in my bedroom had a ghost pokemon in it that wanted to steal my soul. I didn't really know what a pokemon was, nor what a soul was, but the only thing I knew was that I did not want anything trying to take it from me. I had many sleepless nights as a young child because of him.

Growing up with Ghetsis was not horrible. I don't attribute the things he did to me to anything other than natural sibling rivalry. Regardless of trips in the hallways and shoves during dinner, I can remember looking up to him. He was my older brother, after all. He was prideful, arrogant... much more so than my parents, actually. They had always told us that we were better than other families because we were Harmonias, and they would say that name as if it were a title to an epic musical piece to a great literary work. _Harmonia_. I believed them for most of my life; how was I to know any better? I held myself mightier than others, as taught, but Ghetsis... somehow, I feel like his motivation was not simply because our parents spoke highly of it. Even in my parents' voices, there was a slight waver of doubt, even when they sang those syllables. But my brother... every sound that rolled off his tongue was laced with unadulterated arrogance. Pride. And there was no waver of doubt in his voice, ever. I never really realized why I didn't notice it sooner.

Ghetsis was given a pokemon at the age of ten. A deino. Rare, expensive creatures because of their difficulty to breed. He had asked for it, no, _demanded _it after researching about pokemon. We would read my father's old books about the different types of monsters out there, and the fierce dragon hydreigon was always Ghetsis's favorite. I remember being so jealous, the day he received that egg. I never told anyone, but I went to my room and cried.

All I ever wanted was a munna. Silly, Ghetsis would tell me. _They're weak. _That's all he ever cared about. He didn't care about their abilities. I read in an old text that they were able to save peoples' dreams and show them in mist that came from their heads. It sounded so odd, but so interesting! As sad as it sounds now, I used to take such solace in my own dreams. They were always so vivid and beautiful. Not beautiful in the garrish display of riches my parents found enticing. I would see nature, cities and towns I have never been to. I'd have nightmares too, just like any other child, and they would plague me. The thought of capturing dreams and ridding bad ones... it was like a miracle in my young eyes.

But no. Girls were not allowed pokemon. Girls had to study, become educated on scholarly things, then marry off to another wealthy family and be confined to more boorish "luxury." I wasn't too keen on any subject in particular at that age, and the thought of learning history and math and writing just sounded horrible. I wanted to explore the world! Study pokemon! But, as I was told time and time again, it was not my place to make that choice.

Ghetsis left home when he was about thirteen. Before he left, he gathered supplies he needed to train pokemon: pokeballs, potions, berries. I became so jealous that I stole one of his empty pokeballs and ran out in the middle of the night looking for munna. It was stupid of me, considering I didn't have any other pokemon to fight one with, and they were considered difficult to find. I came back home unsuccessful, but went out every night afterwards looking. No one noticed that I was gone.

One night while I was out, I ran into my brother, who had set up camp not too far from our house. I pleaded with him to help me capture one and he took it as a challenge to his ego. Sure enough, he found one and weakened it with his deino. I felt so guilty watching it get hurt in battle...! He laughed after I caught it, bragging about how strong his pokemon was compared to it. But I had little care for its strength. I just wanted a friend. I nursed it back to health and left it out of its pokeball when I returned to the castle. My parents were unhappy about it, but quickly lost concern.

Life was dull after Ghetsis left. As promised, my parents forced me to study for long hours every day. Classic literature, mathematics, history. I didn't hate to learn, but somehow, the fact that I was required to made it much less pleasant. I think knowing that my brother was able to do what he wanted while I was forced into some stupid mould made me a bitter, slightly defiant person. I convinced myself it was for the better of my family. It kept me from rebelling too harshly.

When I was about eighteen, my mother's health started to decline. Slowly, at first. My father became more reclusive as she became sicker; I still wonder if it was out of shame, or depression, or even fear. I would page my brother every day and ask him to come home, but he never returned my calls. I guess he was disinterested in what was happening at home. He assumed everything was fine, even when I told him it was important that he returned.

My mother soon fell so ill that she did not recover, and died while I sat at her bedside. My father disappeared that day... I don't even know if he found out about what happened to her. In such a short time, my life had drastically changed. The great _Harmonias _had fallen.

I arranged a modest funeral. I inherited the fortune. I had become head of the "household." Suddenly, I had gone from such little responsibility to an exorbitant burden of it. The freedom I had long craved was handed to me, but I still felt so lost. I had little direction. Little drive.

I was nothing short of infuriated when my brother finally came home over a month after my mother had passed, expecting to be greeted with blessings and praise.

"Do I not receive even the most modest of hellos?" he said smugly as he saw me for the first time in years. He had grown so much taller, looked so much stronger. Ghetsis still wore elaborate and gaudy clothing that screamed of his wealth. He hadn't changed at all.

"Why didn't you answer my calls?" I retorted. He placed his hands on his hips and raised an eyebrow.

"I was busy with other matters. I'll have you know I am one of the strongest tr-"

"Mother is gone." I should've been more graceful with the news, but I was so angry with him that I almost _hoped _it hurt him when muttered so bluntly. If there was one thing I remembered from childhood, it was that Ghetsis _hated _being interrupted.

"What?" he said while furrowing his brow, unsure of what I meant.

"Mother fell sick and died almost four weeks ago. I wanted you to come home to spend time with her before she passed. It's all she wanted, Ghetsis. I had the pleasure of telling her you were 'too busy' to see her before she finally died."

Something in him just... snapped. That sudden realization of mortality. Ghetsis would sometimes talk about being immortal when we grew up, but I just thought they were jokes or stories. Who would take something like that seriously? I suppose that he assumed that he could cheat death because death was never a part of his life. He was a _Harmonia_, after all. Better than others. Other people died, but because we were born "better" than other people, we would live forever. I guess I see the logic in it now. It's sad, really, that his reality was shattered when he finally realized that death one day meets us all. It forced him to question every truth he once held dear. In the grand scheme of things, his grasp of reality really wasn't all _that _skewed. But finally seeing that it had the potential to be... that is what finally snapped him.

_"No_," he said to me. "_No no no no no_." I suddenly felt bad and tried to comfort him, but he wouldn't allow me to touch him. That look in his eyes... I still remember how they made me feel. They looked so horrified, but also so _angry_. I dismissed myself; I couldn't look at him anymore. It hurt too much. The way he fell to his knees, running his clawed hands along the carpet as he screamed... I concluded that it upset me, but I think it was actually fear. Fear that threatened to become panic. I left him there in the hallway and returned to my room.

I would never forget that night. I don't know how it all began. I recall waking up to a weight on top of me, then screaming as I saw a blade at my chest. It was him. I tried to remain calm, to ask him what was wrong, but he said nothing. Those eyes... those same terror-filled, enraged eyes peered through me as he cut through my nightgown.

I was stupid. Up until it happened, it hadn't even crossed my mind. Even when I laid there, naked and shivering, it was not there. Why should I have thought it would happen? Now I realize how stupid I was my entire life up to that point. I lied to myself. _It's just because he's a boy. He's just that way because he's caught up in the power of wealth. I'm just being overreactive._ No. It was all a beautiful lie I created to protect myself from the truth. In a way, I wasn't much different than he was. I didn't _want _to face the pain of the truth. I wanted to be normal, to live a normal privileged life with a normal older brother who was just a little harsh and haughty and that's just because he was the first born son. I just couldn't accept that my brother was a complete sociopath.

Yes, even seconds before he finally raped me, I did not expect it. But like Ghetsis, my reality had been swept under me with one blow. My body fought on instinct, pushing and squirming and screaming, but my mind... I can't even remember how I felt. I either went blank, or it was terrifying enough for my brain to force the memory out of me. I can't tell you exactly what happened, only because I don't know. Ghetsis had snapped; I had been rendered broken.

"For our future." It was the only thing I remember hearing him whisper to me. Even that was a lie, I know now. There was no _our_, no _we_. When Ghetsis spoke the truth, it was only _my, me, I. _

If there ever was an _our_, it was long lost in the mind of a confused child that fought against his true nature.

I became pregnant. By my own brother. My own sick, twisted brother raped me after refusing to see our mother during her final hours. My father was missing, soon forgotten. I knew in my heart he would never return.

No longer was I bound to the mould of the young rich daughter. I missed it dearly. You never quite know what you have until it's gone. I tried to apply that mindset to my current situation, but there was nothing I could see that would ruin my life more.

I was wrong, of course. So very very wrong.

My brother hired two young women to look after me, Anthea and Concordia. They were kind-hearted but always looked remorseful. I wondered if they pitied me, if they knew what truly had happened. I hated the way they stared at me. I didn't want their pity. I wanted to be strong, even if it was so difficult to manage. I didn't want to be broken like Ghetsis wanted. I didn't want him to win.

I took solace in sleep. Munna ate my nightmares and filled my head with peaceful dreams. I slept most of the day, waking for my meals and occasionally reading to pass the time. My brother expected me to eat my late meal with him every night. I had learned that it was better to accept these little requests, but it did not mean that I lost all defiance.

One night, however, I had had enough of the control.

"Eat your dinner," he said sternly.

"I'm not hungry."

"It's _rude _not to eat food when it is gi-"

All my anger flared up at once as I heard his condescending voice fill the air. Without a second thought, I grabbed one of the sharpened steak knives on the table. My brother took hold of my wrist in an attempt to block the blow but I jerked my hand violently, aiming for his throat. I felt a shove and was pushed onto the table. Candlesticks were knocked over and utensils littered the floor as I struggled against his weight. Ghetsis grit his teeth as he fought the blade from ending him. Just a little... bit... more...

My arm grew fatigued, but I refused to back down without delivering one swipe at him before dropping the knife. I missed his neck, instead slicing through his right eye. I heard him scream as he pulled back, grasping tightly to his face while dark red blood began oozing through his fingertips.

"What did you _do _to my face?!" he bellowed, his features twisted in pain and rage. Tiny rivulets of crimson ran down his arm, staining his immaculately white blouse. I had a strange sense of fulfillment watching him writhe, but it quickly shifted to fear when he took me by the front of my gown and shoved me to the floor.

It took me a moment to recollect my thoughts after the daze of hitting my head; I did not realize until it was too late that he had run off. In desperation, I ran to my room, hoping to hide from his wrath until I could formulate a plan to escape. Perhaps, if he went to his own bedchambers, I would have enough time t-

I felt my heart sink in my chest after I turned the doorknob and entered my room. Ghetsis stood in front of my bed, holding Munna limp by one of its back limbs, the knife from earlier gleaming in the dim light as it was clenched tightly in his other fist. My brother's eye still oozed as the other was locked in a severe glare.

There was... so much blood...

I was frozen in the doorway, unable to move. That same familiar feeling of my world collapsing around me was coming back in full force, and I fell to my knees, exacerbated. Munna's bloodied body was carelessly tossed aside as Ghetsis approached me, that shiny blade still waving around in his hand.

"There will be no more of that, now, will there, Meredith?" He spoke softly in my ear, a gentle tone laced with malice. The knife was pressed dangerously close to my collarbone, but I bit back my apprehension. I couldn't let him win.

"No," I replied simply. My voice did not waver.

"Good." Ghetsis left without laying a hand on me, but I heard a faint click after he closed the door. Wobbling to my feet, I checked the door knob. It was locked from the outside.

I gathered Munna's languid body into my arms and clung to her lifeless body as I sobbed.

The nightmares returned.

I reached a point where I realized that I didn't want the _thing _that was growing inside me. It wasn't a life to me; it was this sick reminder of how my world had crumbled, how far my distant dreams had drifted from my grasp, how artificial every aspect of my luxury really was. It would grow up to be a monster just like its father. It would cause nothing but pain to everyone around it.

I wanted to die.

I know it was selfish. Taking my life while I had another inside me. I won't deny it. Ghetsis locked me in my bedroom, gave me my meals in the morning before I woke up, never spoke a word. I was imprisoned with little more than my own plaguing thoughts that ate away at me. What hope was there? I had clung to my sanity during my childhood by having dreams, hopes of my future and my potentials. There was nothing more I could embrace.

I opened my lone bedroom window and stood on the sill. This was the first time in years I had done so; the smell of the fresh air once made me feel lonely. But as I felt the breeze blow my hair across my face, all I could think of was freedom. Freedom from this husk of a life that never had the potential to flourish. So silly of me not to notice it sooner. Had it really taken all of _this _to make me realize how insignificant my existence was? What a blind life I had lead.

My room was several stories above the ground. I looked down and saw two men, dressed in silly clothing, standing against the wall below. One glanced up and saw me. Nudged the other to observe. I could only smile weakly at them, even though I knew they could not see my face. Had Ghetsis really placed guards at the foot of my window? It wasn't all that surprising, I guess.

I turned around, my back to the sky, and spread my arms. For a brief moment, I held the mental image of myself drifting down to the ground below like a fallen leaf from its mother tree. My head was full of nothing but peaceful images, such a stark contrast to the fact that my body would land in gory pieces. I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to die thinking beautiful thoughts. I wanted to believe that my death would be a beautiful thing, that I would waft away into the skies and sleep among the stars. Surrounded by the things I hadn't experienced growing up in the castle. The sun warming my face, the breeze rustling my hair. I fooled myself into wanting it more. It was not difficult to roll onto my heels and let myself fall from that window. It was the easiest commitment I had made in my entire life.

I blacked out before I hit the ground. Or perhaps I had fallen asleep. Whatever the case, I do not remember what happened after falling. I awoke in my bed, not a scratch on my body. I noticed immediately that my window had been boarded up; only small slivers of sunlight shone between the parts of the wood nailed against the panes. The rest of my room was untouched.

I had failed.

I spent the next few months horribly isolated. Security was stepped up around me, although I never tried again to escape or hurt myself. I had a change of heart, as strange as that sounds. Only Anthea was allowed to visit me, twice a day, morning and night, to bring me my meals. We weren't allowed to talk but sometimes did. The night that I tried to kill myself, she came in with her head bowed, the tray in her hand shaking in her trembling palms.

"P-Please, mistress," I remember her sniffling. "Please don't harm yourself...!"

Her voice was so sincere and pleading, it caused an ache in my chest. It made me realize that I wasn't as alone as I had thought. I was confined to this room, but there were others wishing for my well-being. I think Anthea and Concordia saw my unborn child as some sort of savior, a symbol of hope. And if I could bring some semblance of happiness to others' lives... it was worth trying to survive. I matured a lot during that time, I'd like to think. To be selfish would be being like my brother. I would not allow that.

It was almost liberating. No longer concerned about making an escape plan, I was able to dedicate more time to pursuing other interests. I read a lot during that time. Read about different sciences, different lands far away from here. Math fascinated me. Foundations in logic. I liked that. In a world so flustered by emotions and irrationality, logic was almost comforting to me. It became like an obsession.

I gave birth to a baby boy in the early autumn. It was a harrowing experience I'd rather not go into. My brother was not there, which probably made things a bit less painful for me. Anthea and Concordia assisted me and I was blessed to deliver without complications.

When Concordia handed my baby to me, swaddled tightly in a warm blanket, I was struck with intense emotion I was unable to decipher. He was so beautiful... pale gray eyes looked up at me, and all I could do was smile. He had sparked that tiny glimmer of hope into a burning desire for life. I held him so close as tears began to trickle down my face.

I named him Natural. It was silly out of context, but I didn't care. It was the last topic I remember studying before I gave birth to him. Natural numbers... whole numbers, only infinitely positive, used for order. Such a pure definition. The hope for structure to a child born into utter chaos.

Ghetsis scoffed immediately when he heard the news, refusing to call him anything other than his first initial. I was only allowed to address him as "N."

I was allowed all the time I wanted with N. I spent every day with him; we were locked up in my room, but it held such little significance. Anthea and Concordia assisted me in caring for him around the clock. I set his crib next to my bed as I slept, and for the first time in years, the nightmares stopped. I watched him grow, saw his first smile, his first crawl, his first steps. Every time I looked at him, N did nothing but smile happily. There was no way I couldn't allow him to rub off on me... how could I not smile too?

The past seemed so distant. Even if he was born from such a troubling situation, he was my hope. A pure life that held such promise.

My happiness was short-lived. After N turned a year old, I was no longer allowed to see him on a regular basis. Ghetsis said that it was essential for his growth to keep me around while he was an infant, but that my role as a mother was not necessary once he reached a certain age. I could not sleep as I thought about him alone. I was told he cried for long hours for weeks, inconsolable. Anthea and Concordia were to be looking after him, but it took quite a while for him to warm up to them without me there. When Anthea told me he no longer cried himself to sleep, it lifted a weight from my heart.

I begged Ghetsis to allow me to see him again. For at least two years, he refused. I led a trite and uninspired existence locked away in my room, fueled only by the daily updates Anthea gave me about my son to keep my hope alive. As long as he was safe, all was well.

After N's third birthday, Ghetsis finally allowed me to see him... with strict rules I was never allowed to break. I could see him before he went to bed, every night, and read to him until he fell asleep. I could not tell him who I was, nor touch him, and had to leave as soon as he closed his eyes. My brother set cameras up in N's room that watched my every move.

The first time I saw him after those two years apart was bittersweet. N had grown so much; his tea green hair was long and wild, his chubby cheeks thinned out but still so youthful. He was so beautiful... but his face was slightly apprehensive as he saw me walk towards him.

"Hello, N," I said to him calmly, smiling wide. I tried to be as welcoming as possible, even if I was having difficulty resisting the urge to pick him up and bring him into my arms.

"Who are you?" he asked me with a soft voice. N held his blanket closer to his chest as he sat up in his bed. I noticed a large bookcase full of books and briefly stepped over to choose a few titles.

"I'm just a lady that's going to read to you before bed." I walked over to his bed slowly with the books in my hands before sitting on his mattress next to him.

So badly I wanted to embrace him. He was my boy... the one I gave life to, the child that had given me a reason to live when I had no other. Even as he looked at me with a slightly untrusting eye, I could only grin. N made me so happy... I could only hope that he took his time falling asleep. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him.

He rubbed his eyes after I read him the first book before snuggling close to my side. N looked up at me with sleepy eyes as a small smile drifted over his features.

"I like you, pretty lady," he whispered before yawning. My own smile widened.

"I like you too, N."

He fell asleep before I could open the second book, and our allowed time was over until the next night.

My days were then spent simply waiting for the night so I could spend my few minutes alone with my son.

Almost every night I visited him. I watched N grow so quickly, though time was often hard to tell because his room never changed. Years felt like weeks. We read every book on his bookshelf countless times before I brought some of my own books from my room. They included remedial math and science books I was given as a younger girl. They were above his age level, but he always seemed so interested. I would explain things to him he did not understand, share with him the wonders of a world that was once unknown to him. N was such a smart boy. It made my heart swell with pride to be his mother, only if he only knew me as "that pretty lady."

One night, however, things had changed. I believe it was shortly after his sixth birthday. I had walked in, just as I always did before, but noticed that something was definitely off. N typically sat up and greeted me as I came through the door, but all I heard was sniffles.

I sat down next to him on his bed and he recoiled, curling up further into himself.

"N, what's wrong?" I asked in as calm as a tone as I could manage. I didn't want to frighten him. He shook his head almost frantically as his body trembled and he quaked with sobs.

"H... Hurts..." N's sorrowful tone panged at my heart.

"What hurts, dear?" I reached for his blanket that he had pulled towards him and he screamed.

"_No!_" I pulled back for a moment, trying to think of the best way to handle the situation. I knew Ghetsis was watching, but I couldn't bring myself to care about any punishment I would receive from this. There was no way I could leave him here in this condition.

Hesitantly, I put my hand on his back in an attempt to comfort him. He allowed it, but squeaked in fright from the contact, and he only trembled more violently.

"N, it's all right," I assured him, running my hand down his back to try to soothe him. "I'm here, now. There's no need to be-"

I stopped talking when I felt something wet through his pajama shirt at the small of his back. It was warm to the touch. I assumed the absolute worst.

As irrational and potentially harmful as it was to N, I quickly grasped the blanket that draped over his body and pulled it off of him. The poor boy screamed once more before burying his face in his hands, crying harder into his palms.

It was blood. Soaked into the back of his shirt and the bottoms of his pants, smeared across the bed, mixed with something else. Something white.

I instantly pulled away, horrified and utterly speechless.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," he repeated over and over again. As if this was his fault. As if he needed to _apologize _for what had so obviously occurred here. Ignoring the strict rule against touching him, I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could, holding his trembling body to my chest. His body felt so small and breakable in my arms.

"I'm going to protect you," I whispered in his ear with the strongest tone I could muster. I should have known better to make such a futile promise. A tiny piece of me screamed that it was hopeless, it was _all _hopeless, that this would only hurt him further somehow as my fragile vow would be so easily broken by that man.

But I couldn't allow this. I vowed to myself that I would do everything in my power to keep him unharmed. It was the least I could do for the life that had made mine worth living again. N was the last ounce of hope that I had left in my broken world, and there was nothing I wasn't willing to do to assure his safety. He had to grow up. See the world. Experience life. Truly _live_ as I couldn't.

I bit back my own sobs as I felt him softly cling to me.

"No matter what, N. I'm going to protect you."

I held him for moments that felt like hours. I didn't want to let go. N said nothing, only cried softly into my dress until it was soaked with tears. His head snapped to the side when someone knocked softly on the door and he buried himself deeper into my embrace, fearing the worst. It was most likely a grunt signaling that it was time to leave. I rubbed his back before slowly letting go.

"It's all right, N. I have to go now." My hand reached down and laced his tiny fingers between my own. "You'll be safe tonight, I promise. Please, get some sleep. Dream sweetly."

He turned to his side and pulled the covers up to his neck as I walked towards the door. My heart ached just thinking about leaving him here alone. There was little more I could do.

"Good night, N."

The light switch was flicked off as I exited, greeted by two hardened-looking grunts. They wore slightly aggravated expressions as they grabbed my arms. Miserable men who lusted too fondly over what little power they held.

"Sir Ghetsis ordered for your presence immediately."

"Don't _touch_ me," I snapped as I pulled back, breaking their grip. "I'm fully capable of walking myself, _thank you_."

One of the men, obviously provoked by my attitude, only returned his grip on my arm, harder and rougher than before. The _nerve_. The people my brother hired as grunts for his organization were simple-minded at best. Mostly young men who grew up troubled or feeling somehow inferior to others, joining for a meager paycheck and the chance to order others around. I felt little remorse as I swung my leg, the heel of my shoe making strict contact to the vulnerable position between his thighs. Immediately he recoiled, grasping himself indignantly as I ran towards my brother's office. The other lackey did not bother chasing me after seeing the direction I headed. He knew better.

As the doors swung open, I saw him there, sitting so high and mighty at his finely-carved desk, glancing over documents that sat in front of him. Before he could even react to my presence, I grabbed the large glass of wine that always sat at his side and smashed it against the mahogany; it shattered instantly into a sharpened sliver, the scarlet wine staining paper that lay beneath it. I leaned over the desk and pointed the makeshift weapon at his chest. Ghetsis only put his arms up in a passive gesture, that signature smirk still plastered across his face.

"I know what you did, _Ghetsis_," I seethed, trying not to scream but losing my ability to control the volume of my voice. "I know what you _fucking_ did. You... you _raped_ my son!" I spat the word out as if it left an unpleasant taste in my mouth. By now, I was shouting. His expression hardly changed.

"You know you are not supposed to touch the boy without p-"

"_You _did not receive _permission _to touch him either, you sick _fuck!"_ I waved the sharpened glass at his face as I screamed. My emotions were no longer in check. "He is my _son_, Ghetsis! _Your _son! It's... it's _unforgiveable_...! How could you _do_ this?!"

"Are you going to use that," he asked simply as his gaze moved to my hand, "or are you going to continue rambling like a halfwit?"

His smile. His stupid fucking smile. I hated it. I hated _him_. I hated him with every ounce of my being. He _knew _this, and he knew I had grown more and more hesitant as the years had passed. I was once confident enough to commit to a threat. My constant abuse had left me meek, and I knew it as well. I hated myself for my weaknesses.

But after holding my son so close, hearing him sob as he clung to my chest, as though I were his only lifeline, as if I would float away if he let me go... I couldn't break my promise to him. I _swore_.

My hand slowly lowered, the broken cup no longer pointed in such a daring manner.

"What would mother think of you now, Ghetsis...?" I spoke softly, almost mourningly. My gaze dropped to the side. "What would she say if she saw you now...?"

I looked up just in time to watch him snap. That grin was erased immediately, replaced by an enraged grimace as he reflected on my words. It was the one topic that tore him out of his omnipotent mindset. I was almost glad to know that there was _something _that still sparked emotion in him, not bothering to fear that it would someday fade like the rest of him finally did. Ghetsis stood up in his chair and reached towards me, and that was when I swung the shattered glass. It sliced a deep gash across his shoulder and into his right arm.

My brother stood frozen for a few seconds, his eyes wide as he saw the immense amount of blood begin to pour out of him. It sickeningly reminded me of those crimson stains on N's blanket, and I suddenly found little retribution watching Ghetsis bleed.

"What has become of us, Ghetsis?" I asked with the same forlorn tone as before, this time keeping direct eye contact with the monster that stood before me. I dropped the dirtied glass and it made a delicate _clang_ as it hit the wooden floor. "Was this a suitable fate for our family's name? Withering into chaos? Shedding each other's blood?"

I did not expect him to crawl across the desk, did not anticipate him wrapping his bloodied fingers around my throat. I felt my back make contact with the wall but was too distracted by his palm crushing my neck, threatening to crack my vertebrae. My lungs quickly screamed for air. I made little noise as he choked the life out of me.

"I... will carry on the name..." He spoke through grit teeth, through obvious harrowing pain as thick drops of blood dribbled down his chest and arm. Ghetsis's face shone nothing but pure, unadulterated hatred. "I will control this pitiful world... become an eternal symbol of power... and break everything in my way..."

Darkness overtook my vision.

I woke up in my bedroom being shaken awake by Concordia. My head swam as my vision began to clear, startled to see her face as I opened my eyes.

"Mistress," she said softly, haltingly. "There's something... happening in N's room..."

Immediately I sat up, though the rush of blood from my head made my vision spin once more.

"Concordia, how long have you known this was happening? Did you not try to stop it?!"

The girl bit her lip as I saw her eyes grow hazy. That same expression of sorrow she often held was far from hidden across her features.

"Sometimes, to survive... you... have to be selfish..."

I gripped her hand when I saw tears dribble down her cheeks. How could I accuse her of being careless? The memories I held of her sister and her smiling brightly while we played with N as a baby were still so vivid in my mind. There was no doubt she loved him as much as I do. I didn't know what my brother had threatened them with. I didn't know if he had hurt them, too. There was no reason for me to think he was incapable of it.

"I'm going to stop him," I told her, unwavering. I had to be strong. "I promised N. I promised him I'd protect him."

I let go of her trembling hand and stood up, wobbling slightly as I headed for the door. It was unlocked.

"P-Please, mistress...!" she cried as she stood up, clinging a hand to her chest. Her face was still streaked with tears. "Please be careful...!"

I had little concern with my own safety. All that I could think of at that time was protecting my son. A sick feeling grew in my stomach when I heard his cries from down the hallway. I ran to N's room. The door was unlocked; had Ghetsis really gained such power over the people in this castle that he was unconcerned about someone walking into a room with a screaming child? It only infuriated me more. His ego disgusted me.

I turned the handle and nearly fell to my knees. My heart sunk in my chest and I fought the urge to be sick.

N lay supine on his bed and propped back on his elbows, Ghetsis's hand tangled through his hair and holding him up by his scalp. He cried and whined as my brother thrusted himself into his mouth, muttering lewd comments under his breath as he stared down at him like a predator eyes his prey.

That same sick look in his eye from years ago. I recognized it immediately. It evoked nothing but pure, blind fury.

He saw me as I charged towards him. Not surprisingly, considering how loudly I was screaming. I was _enraged_. Every moment he had wronged me rattled my brain, every time I had suppressed my emotion for fear of punishment or escalation or appearing weak. It all came out at once as I grabbed his shirt from behind and threw him to the floor. I pounced on top of him and wrapped my hands around his throat, reminiscent of the moments from such a short time ago. Ghetsis was so much bigger than I was, but it did not prevent me from trying to crush his neck under the weight of my bare hands.

"You _monster_," I seethed through clenched teeth, my jaw so tight I thought my teeth would crack from the pressure. "_You stay away from my son_."

"_Our _son," he sneered with a smirk, mocking me. I couldn't contain myself.

"_My_ son." My hand retracted in a fist and swung violently, colliding with his face and busting his lip. He kept that stupid fucking _smile _on his face even as I swung again and again, cracking his nose, the blood running into his mouth and settling in the spaces between his teeth. It was ruining my willpower, and he knew it.

When I pulled back once more to hit him, Ghetsis's hand caught my wrist and I was frozen.

"Are you trying to _kill_ me, Meredith?"

His voice saying my name for the first time in what could have easily been a decade gave me chills, and I was rendered speechless for a brief moment.

I glared down at him with as much fury as I could muster before swinging my other arm, catching him off guard and striking his scarred eye. Ghetsis released my wrist and instinctually brought his hand to his injury. As soon as I felt my arm freed, I immediately stood up, took N into my arms and bolted out the door.

"Where are we going?" he said worriedly as I sped down the staircase and through the foyer. My heartbeat was pounding in my ears. I could barely hear his words.

"Away from here," I managed through heavy pants, running down the front stairs of the mansion and into the darkness of the night. The air was freezing. Wet grass nipped at my bare feet with every step that I took.

N was six years old but still felt so light in my arms. His tiny body clung to mine as I continued through the forest, the only clear thought in my mind being the hope of freedom. I hadn't been outside in over half a decade; had N ever even been outside the confines of his bedroom? Despite the cold, there was something liberating about the feeling of the breeze against my skin. It only made me want to run faster, farther away from the prison we both had been locked away in for so long. This was my only chance.

But it didn't take long until I was out of breath. My lungs felt like they were shriveling inside my chest and my knees ached, threatening to give in. I stopped in a heavily wooded area, putting N down before doubling over, gasping to catch my breath.

"I'm scared..." N's tiny voice whispered. I bent down and put my arms around him, still panting.

"It's going to be okay," I told him as reassuringly as I could. I had to stay strong for his sake. "He can't hurt you anymore. I told you I was going to protect you, N."

I broke the embrace but quickly felt his small hand latch onto my own.

"We gotta keep going!" he chirped, suddenly full of determination.

He began to drag me by the arm and I struggled to regain my balance, exhausted from moments before. We did not get much further before my knees buckled and I fell forward, dragging him down with me.

"N, I'm sorry," I gasped. "I'm too tired... I have to rest..." Never before had I realized how much my confinement had affected my health. The months locked in my room with barely a meal had weakened me. I abruptly wondered if Ghetsis had done this on purpose.

_God_, it was so cold. I could vaguely see N's hands shaking, though it could have been from the sheer adrenaline running through his tiny body. He must have wanted this freedom as much as I did. I hated myself for keeping him from it like this.

"Go," I said firmly, wrapping my arms around myself to keep from shivering. "Run, N. I'll catch up with you later. I'll find you again, I promise."

"No!" he cried back. "I don't want to go alone!" I heard him sniffle, but I could not see his face clearly enough to notice tears. I leaned forward and hugged him tightly against my winded chest. He suddenly felt so fragile.

"I'll stay here until you feel better," N said softly. "And I can keep you warm!"

I smiled when I felt his arms reach around my body. My son was so young, had no knowledge that I was his mother... and yet it mattered little to him. I was his best friend, his _only_ friend in this world, and he was selfless enough to stay by my side. My heart swelled with pride.

The feeling drained quickly when I felt a gust of wind pick up, nearly blowing the two of us over. A large, dark form floated to the ground and made contact with a loud _thud._ It was Ghetsis's hydreigon.

Ohh, no. Ohh god, _no_.

"What a daring display that was," his distinct, poisonous voice boomed into the dead of the night as he climbed off the creature's back. "I commend you for mustering up the courage, dearest."

"N, run a-"

"Go and I'll kill her." Ghetsis cut my voice off as he stood before us, N's arms still clinging tightly to me. A boot was wedged between us and violently shoved us apart, knocking me over. Every one of my muscles screamed out and ached as I hit the frozen ground.

"_You_," he snarled as his shoe grinded into my cheek, shoving my face further into the dirt. The tone of his voice was so different from what it had been before I had left the mansion. It was more furious, more unstable and terrifying. "I have had _enough_ of your feeble antics. I have been nothing but merciful in letting you live. I could have disposed of you immediately after you fulfilled your use, but I am kind. I _am_ your loving brother, am I not?"

"You _should_ have killed me," I spat back at him. The bottom of his shoe was pressed harder into my face; my head was a cloudy fog of pain and terror, but I fought to keep a strong facade.

"_Enough_. We are returning home now. Both of you will be severely punished for your actions."

I could not see N's expression, but I swore I heard a tiny gasp escape from his throat.

"_We aren't going with you_," I growled through grit teeth before grabbing onto his ankle, pushing with all my strength until his foot slid off my face.

I screamed for N to run, louder and more frantic than I had ever spoke to him. Thankfully, he did. Ghetsis turned towards him when he saw his little limbs begin to move, that mop of tea green hair fluttering behind him while he raced into the woods. I took the opportunity to hobble to my feet. My knees shook violently as I wiped the dirt off my cheek. I probably looked so pitiful, but I felt so strong and mighty as I cocked a smile towards Ghetsis.

"You aren't going to find him," I said arrogantly. "He's gone, Ghetsis. You can't hurt him anymore with your sick games."

Within moments, I had been knocked back down to the ground, his large body straddling mine, his hands around my neck like they often were. But there was no hesitation in his touch. He was squeezing harder than he ever had before. Not an ounce of oxygen reached my withered lungs as his grip threatened to snap my neck.

"I will search every day until I find him," he said slowly, words hissed through clenched teeth. "And now you'll die the most unnoble of deaths. Wouldn't mother be so proud?"

Darkness tunneled my vision quickly. I often fought against him when he would choke me, but there was no sudden desire to fight. No necessity in escaping. My body and mind had given up and accepted it. I had done my best to keep my promise. Now, I could only wish I had done enough.

Before I shut my eyes, I swear I saw N standing behind Ghetsis, tears streaked down his cheeks, watching in horror as my life flickered away. Whether or not I was imagining it, I do not know. Had he witnessed my death, I can only hope it helped him realize what evils humans are capable of. How the weak are snuffed out by those who managed to be strong. How important it was to _be_ strong in the face of total corruption.

As my vision went black, I had the same visions as I did years before. I was floating, drifting through the air like a leaf leaving its tree. The sky illuminated behind me, the wind blowing my hair and caressing my face. Peace.

If I had one hope, one final hope for my son, it was that he could finally experience that beauty without the embrace of death. That he smelled the fresh air, the breeze on his skin that was not cold and cutting. The beautiful sky opening up for him. The warmth of the sunlight.

I could only hope he somehow thought of me while looking up at the clouds. And I could only hope that he would smile like he once did. Genuinely and bright.


End file.
